The Thoughts and Ruminations of Rikku
by Onycha
Summary: Rikku POV. The ongoing adventures with the somewhat diverse group we know and love... ish. Rated 'cos I'm such a coward and it has some profanity. Now attempting to be Aurikku!
1. Alternate Uses For Electro Marbles

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX. You can make your own smart-arse line here.

The Thoughts and Ruminations of Rikku

Ya know, he looked like a real hero, back lit by the setting sun, the wind blustering through his hair, making his long coat gently flutter behind him. You could almost imagine a soft, benevolent smile gracing his lips.

Apart from _he_ was Auron, and he don't do smiling. He don't do much with that mug of his. Except frowning, which he was now indulging in. And aiming it in my general direction. Okay, I've been staring at him, but that's not the point. Yunie and Lulu stare at him a whole bunch, and he doesn't even notice. I think. Other wise he would have a smug look about him. Tidus stares at him too, but it's much more of a pondering look. Tidus probably believes that Unsent are like Zombies. It would explain why he cast Life on him earlier. I knew Yunie teaching him White Magic was a bad idea. But did she listen to her wise, learned, cousin? Do Guado crap in the Moonflow? Eeeww… hope not. Otherwise Yunie is cooking with diluted Guado poop.

You'd think being on the run would be more exciting, wouldn't you? All we've done is sit by the Moonflow, and watched Warrior Monks scoot by. If you have an image of the entire motley crew sitting in the open, you're horribly mistaken. We're all squeezed onto a tiny bank hidden by some trees, just before the road turns off towards Djose.

And Ye Olde Guy is on the creatively dubbed 'Look Out Rock'. Can you guess what you do when you're standing on it? The clue's in the name.

And, I hear you cry, why is our favourite young heroine on the run? Because Maester Mika decided to snuff it, that's why. And who was in his presence when he joined the Choir Invisable? The happy munchkins that you see before you. So who does the blame get put on? Us! Gee whiz, aren't we lucky? According to the rumours we killed all four Maesters! Except not. I'll have you know we only killed one, and we were cleansing the gene-pool of an arrogant, butt-ugly murderer.

They should be sending us flowers and money and stuff. NOT trying to make us like Auron. Charming as he is, I have no intention of ending up a grumpy Unsent. I can think of things I'd rather do with my after-life, being in the Farplane topping the list.

I look glumly at the pair of claws in my hands. We're kinda low on the items I need to customize weapons with. So bye-bye my only past time. I've polishing these ones, 'cos they still had Lupine slime on them. Although they mostly burst into Pryeflies, they can leave this lovely ooze over the spoils. Blood stays too, sometimes, just to join the fun.

And the male half of our little group always find it necessary to get covered in it, the slime too, come to think of it. It must be some sort of macho thing. 'Haha I have been slimed more then you. Bow to my messiness.' Typa thing. Men can be so weird. And they have the cheek to complain about us. PMS, that's all you need to know about to understand the mood swings. Though I'm kinda glad only we get it. A PMSing Auron would be too much to handle. I giggled at the thought of him having periods, and everyone looked at me as if I mad. You're not far of the truth, sadly, guys.

I bet your wondering we're not holed up nice and cosy on Pops Airship. Well, being the sterling male role model in my life, he couldn't find us. Bevelle ain't that hard to find, you know? But hey, hey, if life gives you lemons make lemonade. So we acted like the true courageous people we are and ran like bats outta hell. Imagine doing that for two days and you've round about got what we've been doing. Until Yunie took the reigns from Mr. Sociable and said that we will stop for the day, whilst glaring at afore mentioned Guardian. Amazing how Yunie can get her own way with him. Mind you, a mad Yunie is something you don't want to tangle with, especially since she has Bahamut on her side. Plus I can only imagine how much it would hurt to get the Rod of Wisdom whacked into the boy bits. Not fun.

Ah, I see Kimahri's trying to take over watch duty. Oooh, that had to hurt.

Someone should tell Kimahri to learn his own strength, 'cos I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to shove Auron off the top of the rock…

And someone should wash Auron's mouth out with soap. That was a lesson in profanity, if I ever heard one. Sorry Pops, I think you've just been toppled as king in that area. Lulu will probably give him a lecture on swearing, now. Yep, there she goes. Oh she's concerned about my young ears, I'm flattered. Though I'm pretty sure I've heard most of them. Hehe, Auron's beginning to blush. How cute, he looks like he did in the sphere when Uncle Braska gave him an earful. I wonder if his noticed Tidus and Yunie are beginning to giggle at his expence. Yep, he just shot death glare in their direction. Shame it doesn't work when you're blushing, Aurrie old chum.

Lulu's done now, I think. She's just standing the, hands on hips, giving Auron a superior look. What? Why is he coming over here? No, go away, I don't want El Grumpo for company. Eeer… Why are you apologising? Ooh, are you doing this 'cos you're scared of Lulu? Okay, wrong thing to say. I wouldn't try and leave pal, she's staring at you like a hawk. And not in her normal 'Barely Concealed Crush' way, either. It's more like she's gonna rip your head off and spit down the hole.

Yes, alright, I except your apology now go away and do Legendary Guardian things... Or you could just sit beside me and sulk; I guess that works too, being the mature adult that you are. Look, Kimahris is getting told off too, be happy. Okay, that's just funny. Lulu's made Kimahri come over and apologise to Auron. I love Lulu for this sole reason. I think Lulu is finding this funny too, she doing that weird wheezy noise she does one she's trying not to laugh. Or that really is her laugh, and in that case, it's really freaky.

Our favourite feline has trundled back to the Rock of Looking Out, and Auron looks slightly stunned. Auron, you are Yunie's Guardian. It's strange when something relatively normal happens to us, you should know this by now. Unless you're Tidus or Wakka, because then you have the excuse of not being the sharpest crayon in the box.

Ah, food, thank you Yunie. Eeer, what is it? Surprise Soup? What's the surprise? Oh I see. Tidus put the ingredients together. So do you know what's lurking in there? You don't know, hence, Surprise Soup. Yeah, I gotcha now. Auron's stirring it with a slightly dubious expression. You and me both brother.

I start poking at a larger lump of matter floating in the liquid. Wakka's eating it, and hasn't keeled over. At least I know it's not lethal. Right, come on Rikku, put some it in your mouth. And spit out. Bleugh, Yunie never let Tidus near food stuffs ever again! I think that answered the question 'Do Guado crap in the Moonflow' adequately. Auron, you can stuff your table manners, you haven't tried it yet. Yes, that's it, you attempt to eat some. Soup goes in… soup goes out. Understand now, you big goofball?

Yunie must be made of sterner stuff then I gave her credit for. She's quite merrily slurping the stuff down. What're you looking at me like that for? His not eating it either! Geez, just because you crush big time on him. Anyway, you're with Tidus, so keep your roving eyes in check, thank-you. That goes to you too, Lulu. Yes, I know what you and Wakka get up to. Oh, the blackmail value of that information. I must've let a few spastic cackles loose, because Auron is now looking slightly nervous. And with very good reason. Buddy, you chose to sit next to me, so you have no-one to blame but your grumpy self.

You know, I think this soup can return from whence it came. Back to the Moonflow, oh dinner of mine! Don't kill any fishes on the way! Oh crid ib, all of you. You'll be doing it soon enough. If you'll excuse me, I want to get my bedroll ready before any of the local wildlife start snoozing in it. Or fellow Guardians. Or Summoners. No, Yunie, I haven't forgiven you for that. No I will not stop beating a dead Shoopuf. This Shoopuf's far from dead, baby.

Mmm, this bedroll is darn comfy. I think I've woken up at the time that life forgot. Except Wakka, but his on watch, so he doesn't count. Oh great Aeons! Auron, I may be your comrade at arms, heck, maybe even your friend, but that does not mean you can use me as a pillow, you cad! Whoa, you have serious bed hair. It's even spikier at the front then normal. C'mon move that noggin of yours. I would move you myself, but, you know, _you_ _are lying on my arms_!

Have you ever noticed how men's heads are substantially bigger then women's? Well here's another titbit of info: there goddarn heavier too. They must have more mucus or something, 'cos from the examples I've met so far, I'm positive it isn't grey matter. No, don't make yourself comfier you jerk! Argh, you are so gonna get it tomorrow. And if this sparks off rumours, you are going to be so very, very dead. Oh shit, you are dead aren't you? Well… I'll put an Electro Marble down your pants. That'll even it out, you buubriyt.

But the more immediate problem: Rikku cannot feel her arms and tummy. I do a little wriggly dance in my bed roll, but to no avail. Geez, when this guy goes to sleep, he does it properly. How the hell do people wake him up for his watch slot? Cast Water on him? Only if you're Lulu I guess. Everyone else would go for the more conventional bucket. Okay, Rikku, stop making up unlikely scenarios of people dousing Auron in water. Think woman.

Heh, he hasn't got his collar or shades on. Well, duh, he would sleep with them on. Heey… his kind of lida… No! Quiet foul, traitorous, hormones! Ugh, were are plenty of times you could play up, but you have to choose now, don't you tysh ed!

I hate being a teenager. You'd think the zits would be enough, but nooo, Mother Nature gives you over active hormones just to add to the fun. Old cow. I bet she didn't have to go through this. She probably went from kiddy, to brilliant, mature, beautiful woman with about one day as teenager. And I bet she didn't have any men using her as a pillow, either.

I silently prayed that Wakka hadn't noticed. This would blow my blackmail fodder out of the water.

This whole situation is completely Auron's fault. Much like if we find that there is actually no alternative way to beat Sin, it's Auron's fault, he killed Yunaleska after all. Well, alright, we all helped a little, but it was Auron who Bushidoed her tooshie to the Farplane, not us.

Yes, that Electro Marble will be making it's way to his pants in the morning…

A/N: This is my first character POV, so feed back would be handy! I also want to know if people want more of this fic. It's only meant to be a one shot, but it's open ended, so I can carry on if there's call for it.


	2. Okay, Bad Idea

Disclaimer: I do not own FFX. The 'We have arrived etc.' line belongs to Doogle from the Magic Roundabout. And I believe the term 'Happy Dance' belongs to crazycrazyme. I do, however, own a rather funky fuzzy duck pen.

Okay, I admit it; perhaps putting an Electro Marble down Auron's pants wasn't my best idea in the history of me. How was I supposed to know he was weak against elemental items? He was only unconscious for an hour. And a bit. The point is he was _fine_ after Yunie managed to revive him. Just a bit more cooked then previously. And grouchier.

No-one actually realised that he deserved it. He used me as a pillow all pmaatehk night. A girl's gotta have her revenge, no matter what. Yunie and Lulu should appreciate that, at least. But nooo, Rikku has become a Legendary Guardian knocker-outer. This is why I'm being kept right at the back of our merry procession, whilst he takes point. It's not as if he needs protection, his big boy, he can take care of himself. Apart from elementals down the knickers, that gets him real bad.

We are walking (read: doing a full-speed run) towards Djose. We heard rumours of a huge machina there. So it's probably Pops being intelligent and flying real low so every one in Spira can see him. Nice going Pops, you cretin. Let all the Yevonites think the Al Bhed are gonna attack the Temple.

Ya know, being stuck behind Kimahri when his sweating is the worst thing. He stinks so bad, it's unreal. I guess wet fur smells pretty yuck no matter where you're standing. Bath time cannot be fun for him. His slow, too, just to make my time more difficult. When we're running like this, me and Tidus normally go to the front, simply because we can circles round the others. But because of my little stunt earlier, I'm here kicking Fuzzball's heels. Auron's probably having a whale of a time keeping up with Tidus's pace.

Oof! What's the big idea stopping like that? Eew, now I'm covered in Ronso sweat. Lovely jubly. What're you pointing at? Ah, we have arrived, and to prove it, we're here. And the much talked about 'Big, Terrible, Flying Machina'! I knew you were gonna come through for me Pops! I _believed_ in you! In a big lie sort of way.

Oh happy dance time! Join in everyone! Don't look at me like that Auron, just because you wouldn't know happy if it came and bit you on your Electro Marbled hiney. Yeah, you heard me. Fine, I'll stop. Big spoil sports, you're no fun. Yunie stop pretending you don't know me, ya big meanie.

Oh thank-you Lady Luck for finally smiling on me again! I knew you would never leave me, not with all the Luck Spheres I've snaffled! Lets go, people, there are _mattresses_ in there. As in proper beds! As in pillows, _Auron_. Hint hint.

Whoa, smells funky in here. And you fixed what exactly, oh dearest sibling of mine? I don't think Airships have those. I think you just put fuel in her. Okay, you just stand there, flap your arms about and squawk, Bird-boy. It's not as if I can understand a word your saying. Strange child. We're from the same gene-pool, but I think one of us is from the shallow end, and it ain't me. I hope. Don't ask anyone's opinion on that, Bro, their liars and scoundrels.

Time to leave I think. Ta ta for now Brother! I hope you never breed. That would be bad.

Back to the bridge to stand around and look important. It's a difficult job, but someone's gotta do it. Plus I can poke buttons that make the 'ship to strange and wondrous things. Like turning it's Thermostat to almost freezing point. It's all good.

Why, hello there, my bad tempered Bushido warrior, whatcha up to? Sheesh, relax all ready; I'm not going to stuff anything down there. I'm outta Marble's anyway. You did use me as a pillow though, so it can go down as karma. Yes you did. Denial is an ugly thing my friend. It's no use asking them, they where asleep. Wakka was on watch, smart-arse, his not gonna be looking at me and you. Unless we were being eaten by a fiend. And if that were the case, we'd be having this little chat in the Farplane.

FINE! I apologize for rendering you unconscious, ya mean old prune. Now I want my apology. Hey don't just stop talking! C'mon, spit it out. Not literally, 'cos then you'd get spit all over your collar and that, frankly, would be gross. Fine. Have fun leaning on your wall; it's obvious you get kicks outta that sort of thing. Sour old coot. Just 'cos I'm right.

Ah, the Bridge. Hello my adoring fans, who are completely ignoring me. Back to my control panel and- _Hey_! Why is there someone in my seat? Pops? How do you propose I do my job now? I can't just stand in the middle of the floor and look important, it would be silly. Besides, Lulu, Wakka and Tidus have that covered. _Excuse me_? You stationed him there? Your darling daughter is stationed there! I was not nippecr! That is not nice! Ugh, why do I bother? I must take from Mum's side of the family, because I'm not block headed enough to be from yours. Alright, look, this is me leaving the bridge! And do you know what I'll be doing when I leave the bridge? I'll be being not on the bridge! And what will that accomplish? Nothing. Zilch. Wanu. Nil.

Ouch! There was no need to kick me out! You can stop laughing too, you sadistic man. Other wise it's gonna be a grenade going down there next time. Yeah, stuff that in your pipe and smoke it, oh smug one! I think I'll go see Kimahri. His fun. In a silent, stoic, not-fun type of way. More so then you, anyway, Enigma-Boy. You go crazy there with that wall of yours. Don't pass-out from excitement or anything; I might be forced to tread on your fallen bulk.

It kills your neck talking to Kimahri. Or any of the guys, actually. Their all offensively tall. Apart from Tidus, because his nice and chose to be of a normal size. Perhaps I should make a point of talking to these outrageously tall people through a periscope so I don't have to look up so much. It's not a nice view either; you can see right up their noses. I once held a convocation with Wakka when he had a huge booger up there. It gave me nightmares for weeks.

Talking of nightmares, Lulu's snoring could give you nightmares. It's _so_ loud. I think her breasts must put strain on her breathing pipes or something, 'cos I'm sure you couldn't achieve this sort of volume unaided. It's friggin' impossible. It was so much quieter with Yunie, but she wanted to be with Tidus, so now instead of bunking with Wakka, his with her, Wakka took Lulu's single cabin and Snorezilla here is now with me. It's an everyone-wins-except-Rikku's-eardrums situation. I think I might put Silence on her if this continues. Geez, this is doing more damage to my ears then Auron's potty mouth ever could. If I'm deaf in later years, Lulu is so paying for my ear horn.

Still, could be worse. Wakka and Kimahri are infamous for their snoozing noises. Wakka mumbles really random crap like 'He hit you in the face with a Monkey burger.' And Kimahri finds it necessary to make slobbery growling noises. It's a bad noise. I almost feel sorry for Auron. Poor guy, he isn't allowed to rest in peace.

… That has to be the crappiest pun in the entire pilgrimage, Rikku. And in bad taste. Yunie said I must not make jokes on Auron's lack of life, be it social or otherwise. I've gotta give it to him though, he hasn't let it hold him back. His incredibly active for a dead guy.

By Yevon's evil boxer shorts, Lulu! That one made my claws rattle! Right, that's it, a Silence for you! If I take that bit outta the Silence Grenade, it should just go 'poof' and Silence her… Hang on Rikku… What did we learn from last time we used an offensive item on a pal? Put the grenade down, there's a good girl. We do not need to do that again, especially when the person on the receiving end could send a boosted Flare your way. When she recovered, anyway. I need a cunning plan.

This corridor is _so_ not comfy. I will kill my conscious for doing this to me. It's not fair. Am I doomed to have no sleep? You know, at least I _managed_ to nod off a couple of times when Auron zonked out on me. All I'm gonna get out here is a sore bum. Who'd of believed that a delicate petal like Lulu could empty a room with her snoring.

The only way this could get _any_ worse is a thunder storm start up. And I've probably jinxed myself, because someone up their really hates me. Or we hit turbulence and I'll throw-up every where, and... Shut up brain.

A/N: Thank-you reviewers! I have decided to carry on, so I'll have to edit the summary . Deep joy. Also, I've been thinking of turning this into an Aurikku, so say if you do or don't want it to go that way. Some sort of plot will form itself soon, promise.


	3. Rikku the Majestic Sea Cucumber

A/N: Hullo! Sorry about the lack of activity on my fic. I lost my muse then found it again by drinking a mug of gravy (don't ask). First, because doesn't let me put one line breaks in, I'm just going to use brackets and put the time difference in those. You'll see what I mean. Second, the fic will now be Aurikku, as the masses wanted it. Thanks for the reviews, there much appreciated, and thanks lilsweet for pointing out my horrendous misuse of the English language!

Disclaimer: FFX does not belong to me. And if you thought it did hang your head in shame.

Oh, who the ramm do you think you are Auron, the corridor police? If I want to sleep in the corridor, I will! It was your own fault you tripped up on me; you should've been looking where you were going. No, you're yet again missing the point old fruit. The fact that I don't normally sleep in a random corridor isn't a valid argument. You should always be prepared for the unexpected. Yes, even at seven a.m. on a Sunday. Oh, stop whining, it's very unbecoming for a grown man. I am not griping! You'd be doing exactly the same if Lulu had kept you awake at night with her snoring!

Ugh, for being the best Guardian in the world, you are really annoying. And you need to shower bad, you smell like a boys locker room. And shave while you're at it, 'cos the sexy stubble look is loosing its sexy stubblishness and becoming a rather pathetic beard. Yeesh, I think Tidus could grow a better one then that. And he doesn't even need to shave everyday. Don't look at me like that. I was not a lobotomy experiment, you big meanie! Oh, go away before I bite your kneecaps off. Yeah, you… saunter off there. I can see you're scared on the inside.

For a man who's made entirely out of pryeflies, he's goddarn heavy. Perhaps he has special shoes. Or perhaps he carries rocks in his pockets. Or perhaps I should get up before anyone else decides to trip over me. Oof, my bum is _so_ sore. Fees like a Bunyip chewed on it. And Auron tripping on it did so not help. Right, onward, back to Snorezilla! I think it was Yevon who decided that duvets would be really hard to carry. Just because he's evil and he's like that. I know, if I wrap it around me… there. I am Rikku, the Majestic Sea Cucumber! Fear me!

Hmm, it's kinda hard to walk when you're wrapped up in a duvet. Hopping is a lot easier, but I would so totally die if anyone saw me hopping about pretending to be a Sea Cucumber. Especially if it was one of the guys. Yunie and Lulu bless them; they expect nothing less from me but, the men would have a total field day with this. Well Tidus, Wakka and maybe Auron. Kimahri would be cool with it. Maybe he'd even join in. Only in spirit of course. I don't think we have a big enough duvet for Kimahri to do a Sea Cucumber. I think he has to use two normal sized ones. Perhaps if we duct taped them together. I'm putting far too much thought into this.

Ah, Lulu, well rested? Where was I? Why, I was sleeping in the corridor, before the Corridor Police moved me along. Oh, you wish to know _why_ I was in the corridor? You're bloody snoring drove me out there! Yes, you do! And I think half the ship will agree with me! I'm swapping with Wakka, I need peace for sleeping! And preferably a bed! With no threat of being kicked in the rear! Uh oh. Lulu, please don't hurt me. I'm small and sweet. And tired. And Yunie's right behind you. Phew. Yunie, you're a true saviour. I think I'll drop this duvet off and get dressed. As much as I love wearing jammies all day, it's not really kosher if you're trying to save the world. It's best to get dressed for that type of thing. A shower would also get the Rikku seal of approval.

(Thirty minutes later)

Right, washed, scrubbed, dressed and ready to face the world! Or Airship, in my case. The world would probably try to ignore me. And do so with devastating success. Anyway! The bridge is singing its alluring song again. Even if I can't do anything with the buttons anymore. Stinky old Pops. I hope a Divebeak poops on his head. Mind you, the shine from his head would probably blind it and it would miss. I swear he polishes his head. Or maybe he's just an incredibly greasy individual. Eeew. Stop that thought train right there.

Howdy Auron, I see you've re-glued yourself to the wall. Hey! You shaved! Wow, your face is all smoothie smooth. If only Wakka took my advice and shaved too. Right now it looks like he skinned a mouse and pasted it to his chin. What? Oh right. I'll let go of your collar now. Sorry. Yeah, I wouldn't like me hanging of my neck either. Not fun. Hey! I do not weigh that much. If you want weight, go see Keepa and ask him to hang off your neck. But it would really start rumours. The Legendary Guardian with the goalkeeper of the Besaid Aurochs. No, scratch that, the mental image is even scarier then Sin.

Uh, Auron you're twitching slightly. Rikku back away veery slowly. Do not agitate him further. He _will_ kill you if you do.

Oops. I didn't mean to mentally scar Auron. Or make him really angry. It's hard to tell. Perhaps I'll get him therapy tokens for his birthday. When ever that is. I'll ask him when he calms down a bit.

(Five minutes later)

This big, blue sphere doo-hickey is really hypnotic. Pops and Yunie will go funny if they keep staring at it. Hang on, Pops is funny. Eh, maybe it'll make him normal. In that case I should make Brother stare at it too. Brother may just be dim though, and no amount of big, blue sphere doo-hickies will ever help him.

Yes, anyway. Tidus! Just the man. Where in Spira are we going? Calm Lands. Okay. Why? Oh! You know what that butt ugly mirror we got in Macalania is for! What, what, do share! The answer 'I'm not completely sure' does not fill me with confidence, bucko. Chocobo Trainer? Oh, you mean the old fruitcake in the bobble hat! She has anything of value T. I should know, I picked her pockets last time we met. And Auron went utterly potty when he found out, remember? Okay, if it makes you happy, we'll all go see Choco Lady. Minus the Pick Pocketing, okay, I gotcha Yunie! What? Okey dokey, I'll go tell Auron. What about Kimahri? Wha-? Good grief! How did you get there? You sure can creep about for a six foot nine cat, you know.

(Fifteen minutes later)

Auron! Where the heck are you? How can one man be so hard to find? I have run round this Airship _three_ times! And you don't even have the decency to reveal yourself! I bet you've somehow managed to beam down off the ship. Or fall off, but at least you wouldn't leave a huge splat mark where you hit the ground, 'cos you're already dead an' all. If you weren't, I'd have to start scraping up Auron Jam, and that is not high on my 'What I Want to Do' list.

When I find you, I'm gonna make you sing at the next Luca Karaoke night. In Al Bhed. I'll sit right at the front, and laugh at you really loudly. You'd probably Bushido me into the Farplane and back if I did that though. Old fart. But, for all of that to happen, _I need to find you first!_

A/N: Whee, more notes. The important question: Did the brackets thing make sense? I will write a longer chapter on Thursday/Friday. Promise. And I'll start working the Aurikku in. Please, please review! You know you want to!


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